Don't Defy Me and Other Phrases
by TheRealEatsShootsAndLeaves
Summary: What happens when a lonely Goblin King gets to cut loose after a lifetime of darkness and solitude?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimers and author's notes appear at the end of the story._

"**Don't Defy Me" and Other Phrases**

"_As the world falls dooooooowwwwwwn. Woo huh hoo" he sang into her ear as they twirled in the crystal ballroom. He was dressed in his battle armor, wearing his heavy cape and holding the dark-haired girl in one hand and a crystal in the other. _

"_Oh, Jareth," she said. "You are so wonderful."_

"_Oh, Sarah" he said. "You are so wonderful, too. Would you marry me and become my Queen?"_

"_Yes, yes, of course I will, because we are totally in love. I want to have SO many babies," she smiled and simpered at him._

"_How many babies?" he asked._

"_About a gazillion," she said._

_A crowd of dancers dipped, spun and whirled around them. Four identical blonde girls, dressed in varying pink ball gowns danced with two identical blonde boys dressed in swim trunks, a large bear wearing a bow tie, and a pink and white striped tiger. Several small farm animals were waltzing in pairs, laughing and talking in a barnyard patois. Two large rabbits were taking a slow and stately route around the perimeter of the dance floor, smiling benevolently at the other dancers._

"_Have I told you how pretty you are?" asked the Goblin King._

"_No," she said, "and I've been waiting."_

"_I'm so sorry," he said, "so very, very sorry I forgot to tell you. You are very pretty."_

"_Thank you," said the beautiful princess in the white and pink ball gown. "I think you're pretty, too."_

"_Then we're both pretty," he said. "Isn't it great?"_

_She smiled up into his face as they continued to twirl._

"_Why don't you go put on that wedding gown over there?" he said._

"_I thought you'd never ask," she said._

_Just as he moved in for a kiss, there came a tremendous crash, accompanied by a mighty roar. Goblin King, princess, and the entire crowd of dancers, fell to the floor and scattered before the tempest._

_A huge tyrannosaurus rex was stomping through the ballroom, kicking revelers, seating, and a nicely laid table of tea and snacks to the side. The dinosaur was on Sarah in an instant, holding her in its toothy mouth as she kicked and screamed._

_A scream of outrage brought the dinosaur to a halt._

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"Joey! You doo doo head!" Six year old Tessie was furious. "You smashed the crystal ballroom!"

"Oh no. My cwystal bawroom!" Joey, displaying all of the gravity and maturity of his eight years, mocked in an intentionally annoying lisp, clutching the large plastic tyrannosaurus. "Dinosaurs hate ballrooms."

"Give me back my doll!" Tessie bellowed.

Joey laughed and ran out of the room clutching the dinosaur in one hand and the brown haired teen fashion doll in the other.

Tessie was right on his heels, blaring like a fire engine.

As the combatants galloped off down the hall, the toys cautiously looked around.

"They're heading downstairs," reported the patrol car lurking under the dresser next to the door.

"All clear," said the teddy bear. Turning to the Goblin King doll, he remarked, "You're new here. Welcome to Tessie's room."

The Goblin King was still quite excited.

"That was amazing," he enthused. Never having been out of his box, the concept of playing was entirely new to him. He found it to be exhilarating. "What WAS that all about?"

"Tessie watched that "Labyrinth" movie with her sister," the pink and white tiger offered helpfully. "We've been playing "Labyrinth" for days now. Some fun, eh?"

"Fun? It was fantastic!" the Goblin King laughed. "I've never done anything like that in my entire existence! Who knew that getting out of my safe, mint condition box would be so rewarding? This is wonderful. Wonderful!"

"Uh, yeah, about that…" the tiger said hesitantly. "You're actually a collectible, aren't you? I've seen you in Abigail's room. Um…, I wouldn't get too excited about being out and about."

The Goblin King sighed and wilted.

"I suppose you're right," he said. "I belong to Abigail and she's not one for playing with her collectibles. Not that I mind," he hastened to add. "She's a lovely girl. She sets great store by me. I wouldn't want to disappoint her."

"Oh, she'll be disappointed," said one of the teen boy fashion dolls, from the top of the dresser. He was trying on a powder blue tuxedo jacket and admiring himself in the mirror. "You were probably expensive and when Tessie took you out of that box, she probably cut your value in half."

The Goblin King looked apprehensive. That didn't sound good.

"Oh, don't mind him," said the teddy bear. "He's still suffering PTSD from being in a rummage sale." He gave the teen boy doll a glare of disapproval. "Tessie treats you very well, and you know it. You haven't missed a playtime since you arrived.

"He's insecure," the teddy bear confided to the Goblin King. "He isn't a big name brand toy. Just a cheap knockoff. If he'd ever get it through his thick plastic head that Tessie couldn't care less about that sort of thing, he'd be a lot happier.

"I'm Teddy, by the way." The bear smiled kindly at the Goblin King. Even his yellow bow tie looked friendly.

"Jareth, the Goblin King, at your service." He swept his cape aside in a kingly manner and made a courtly bow.

"You're very handsome," said one of the blonde fashion dolls. She smiled brightly into his face and took his arm. He was quickly surrounded by the pretty, laughing dollies.

He puffed out his plastic chest and stood in what he hoped was an imposing manner. He was having a perfectly wonderful time.

"Heads up," honked the patrol car. "Incoming!"

Noisy feet came galloping down the hall. The door was flung fully open and Joey came galloping into the room and made a couple of laps over the bed and around the perimeter. Tessie was right behind him, still emitting piercing sounds of fury.

"Give me my doll, you pooper!" she screamed.

Joey laughed and tossed the doll onto the bed. He was turning to go, when something new caught his eye.

He snatched up the twelve inch tall plastic Goblin King and stared in admiration. The plastic figure was heavy, solid and quite detailed. The doll was dressed in molded black armor, black boots, snuggly molded tight pants and was topped with a shaggy plastic hairdo. He had a heavy detachable cape and was clutching a plastic crystal ball in one hand. He looked intimidating and evil and magnificent.

"Hey!" he said in genuine awe. "Who's this guy?"

"That's the Goblin King!" snapped his little sister, "and he hates stupid dinosaurs!"

"The GOBLIN King?" huffed Joey. "He would totally love dinosaurs because they look like goblins."

"Hey, come back with that!" screeched Tessie as Joey took off with Jareth and the dinosaur.

"Nuh-uh! It's mine, now." said Joey. "Goblin Kings hate dancing with dolls. We're gonna go do something fun." He hustled out of the door.

Tessie could hear his thumping footsteps down the hall and then a crash as he slammed the door to his room. She was debating whether she should go yell at him some more or whether she should go straight to Mom for backup.

As she pondered her options, she began to recall that the Goblin King wasn't actually HER toy. He belonged to her thirteen-year-old sister. Tessie was unfamiliar with the concept of puberty, hormones and the resulting emotional chaos they could bring, but she did know that Abigail was getting grumpier every day. She was loathe to cross her horrible sister in any way and suspected that removing the Goblin King from his box on the high shelf might have been a bad idea.

Tessie was clever for a six year old and had a well-developed sense of self-preservation. She decided that it would be best for the Goblin King to be in Joey's possession when the empty box was discovered.

She sat down amongst her toys and put her bunny slippers back on her feet. A few moments were spent pairing up the plastic farm animals, the identical quadruplet fashion dolls and various stuffed animals. She picked up the teddy bear with the yellow bow tie.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen," she said. "I'm the President of Louisiana and I say everyone has to dance the chicken dance."

At that moment in the room down the hall, Joey had discovered that the Goblin King could talk. He had found a switch in the back and a plastic tab that was protecting a battery. He yanked the tab and turned the switch on. Careful inspection and prodding led him to a button on the doll's chest. When he pressed the button, the king spoke.

"Don't defy me!"

Joey laughed out loud. That was great! He tried a few more times, but quickly discovered the other phrases weren't as interesting. There was a rather long speech about "go to your room and play with your toys," but he wasn't really interested in that.

Joey put the Goblin King down on the floor and reached under his bed to drag the toy box into the light.

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_Jareth was glaring at the invaders lined up in the field before him. His trusty dinosaur stood at his side, ready to do his bidding. Hah! As if he needed a dinosaur. He could destroy all of that army with the mighty power of his crystal laser gun._

_The crowd of monsters, machinery, army men, space men and dinosaurs that had turned to the dark side stared back at him._

_He knew no fear. He would defend the helpless half-man, half-wolf trapped in the high tower until an antidote was found for his sickness._

"_Thank you for saving me, mighty Goblin King!" shouted the Wolfman in gratitude._

"_Think nothing of it," the King replied. "It isn't your fault that a werewolf bit you."_

"_We're gonna get that mangy Wolfman," yelled one of the army men._

"_DON'T DEFY ME!" roared the King and he launched a deadly fire crystal at the opposing forces._

_The fire crystal bowled the invaders over in much the same way as a rolling soccer ball would wipe out a row of toys._

"_AHA!" laughed the King in fiendish delight._

_The mighty dinosaur sidekick roared in approval and swung its tail like a battleax, knocking spacemen about like bowling pins._

_The King suddenly leapt into the air and began to fly over the retreating army, the wind howling through his flapping cape. He swooped and dived as they stampeded in fear, picking off stragglers and knocking them to the ground._

"_DON'T DEFY ME!" he yelled again and sent another fire crystal at them._

_The dinosaur was following on the ground, stomping the slow and stricken, and roaring all the while._

"_What's all this racket?" said a voice from above._

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"Nothing," sighed Joey as his mother cracked the door open.

"It sure sounds like something," said his mother. "Who are you vanquishing today?"

"Invaders," said Joey.

"I see," she replied. "Well, dinner's ready. Go wash your grubby paws."

"Ok, Mom," he said, and laying the toys aside, got up and scrambled out of the room.

"He's headed downstairs. We're clear," said the Famous Monsters Wolfman model from the high shelf by the door.

"Hey," gushed the dinosaur, "that was awesome! There were moments there, I really believed you could throw fireballs!"

"Thanks," said the Goblin King. "Call me Jareth." He began to work the room, shaking hands with the army men, giving high fives to the transformers, and exchanging hilarious funny faces with the giggling monster toys.

He could easily get used to this playtime business. He had been having a marvelous time. He had decided that Joey was every bit as much fun as Tessie. Such imaginative children! Such a wonderful day!

"Hey, who's the new guy?" yelled the Wolfman on the shelf.

"I am Jareth the Goblin King," Jareth said, hands on hips, smiling in an engaging and kingly manner.

"Hey, Lonnie," the dinosaur said happily.

"Hey, Earl," the Wolfman replied. He returned his attention to Jareth.

"Hey, I know you," said the Wolfman. "I'm the guy that was in the Amazon shipment with you."

"Why, that's right," said Jareth, happy to renew acquaintanceship. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, buddy," the Wolfman happily replied. "But, if you don't mind me asking. What the heck are you doing out of your box? I saw the receipt, dude. You were one expensive item, there."

"Ah, yes," Jareth replied, a bit embarrassed as the other toys looked at him with new interest.

"And if you don't mind me saying so, you don't look like something kids would play with."

"Oh?" said Jareth, startled and dismayed. He wondered if that was supposed to be an insult. Why wouldn't kids want to play with him? He was magnificent!

"Yeah, you're obviously high quality craftsmanship," continued the Wolfman. "You have some really nice detailing there and you aren't articulated. You're already posed, you know? You're obviously a collectible, not a toy."

"Plus, your package is huge," added one of the army men.

A gasp went up from the assembly, followed by giggles.

Jareth was suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Oh dear," he said, in some distress. "You don't think Tessie noticed, do you?"

"Nah, she's too little to pay attention," said the Wolfman, grinning. "I bet Abigail notices plenty, though."

"Why would it be a big deal for Tessie or Abigail to notice the box he was in?" a red transformer asked in a whisper.

"That's not the package they're talking about, dude," a yellow transformer whispered back.

"Huh?"

"Just never mind, ok?"

Right at that moment, Abigail had indeed noticed something. She was standing in her room, looking at the opened, empty box where her prized Goblin King collectible talking doll used to be. Her piercing banshee screech of rage reverberated throughout the house.

Now seated at the dinner table, Tessie knew exactly what that screech was about. Her guilty conscience troubled her and she had brought Teddy along for comfort. She hugged him tightly and worried.

Joey, currently swigging his milk, was innocently unaware of the Goblin King's true owner. He never entered Abigail's room, because she had threatened him with blackmail concerning several pranks and schemes in which he was involved. Had he known the Goblin King belonged to his wretched older sister, he would never have touched the doll.

"What's she mooing about?" he said with an insolence born of innocence and ignorance.

Dad looked up from his green beans and met the perplexed gaze of his wife.

"What now?" he said wearily. He didn't recall being that crazy when he was a teenager.

"We're about to find out," Mom replied with an equal weariness.

Abigail raged into the dining room, red-faced and slightly teary-eyed with anger.

"Who took my Goblin King doll?" she yelled.

A suddenly wide-eyed Joey spit his second mouthful of milk all over his meatloaf.

"Your what?" said Dad.

"Oh, no," said Mom. "She means that doll you spent a couple of hundred dollars on for her birthday."

Dad's eyes narrowed in suspicion. He glared at Joey's milk drenched meatloaf and horrified expression.

"You know anything about that, boy?" he grumbled.

"I didn't know it was HER's!" Joey said, appalled.

"You didn't know the doll in her room was her doll," said Mom in calmly menacing tones.

"It wasn't in Abigail's room!" Joey hollered. "I don't NEVER go in her room!"

"Of course it was in my room!" bawled Abigail. She was shedding angry tears now, fists clenching and unclenching, her entire body taut with wrath.

"It was in Tessie's room! I stole it from Tessie!" Joey frantically gibbered.

Tessie began to loudly weep at this revelation.

"Hold it!" yelled Dad. The room fell silent, except for a few hushed sniffles from Tessie.

"Abigail, sit down," he said.

"But…," she began to protest.

"Sit," Dad said firmly.

She sat down, folding her arm angrily across her chest and glared at her plate.

"Tessie," said Dad, "did you take Abigail's special doll out of its box?"

Tessie's lower lip trembled and tears ran down her cheeks.

"Tessie?" he said.

"Yes," she said in a very small voice.

"You knew better, didn't you?" he said.

"Yes," she said in an even smaller voice.

"Tessie, when you took that doll out of the box, you made it less valuable. Do you understand what that means?" Dad asked.

Tessie sighed and nodded her head. She knew very well what it meant. She had heard Abigail talk about it enough

She nodded, deeply ashamed, stricken with guilt and fear of her horrible sister.

"Joey, did you take your sister's doll?" Dad asked.

"I thought it was Tessie's doll!" Joey objected. "I was gonna give it back."

"Tessie IS your sister. Did you take a doll from her?" Dad was getting a bit loud.

"Oh wait, you mean the other doll. Yes, sir," Joey said quietly, defeated by Dad's undisputable argument of Tessie's siblinghood.

"The OTHER doll? Boy, how many dolls have you taken from your sister today?"

"I gave it back. I was going to give the other one back, too," Joey whined.

Dad shook his head in exasperation.

"So, you both borrowed something you knew didn't belong to you without permission. Is that right?"

Two heads nodded in reluctant agreement.

"You two will finish your dinner. Then you both will go sit on the couch for one hour. You will not watch television. You will not read a book. You will not play with toys. You will not talk to each other or hit each other or even look at each other. You will sit. And you will think about why you shouldn't borrow other people's things without permission. You will not get any allowance this week and you will not be going to the swimming pool on Saturday. Tessie, because you took the doll out of the box when you knew better, you will have extra chores this week," Dad sat back and crossed his arms.

"Yes, sir," they sadly answered.

"Now," he said. "Apologize."

"I'm sorry, Abigail," said Tessie.

"I'm sorry, Abigail," said Joey. "I didn't know it was your doll, though."

Abigail glared at them with menace and said nothing.

"You're supposed to be apologizing to Tessie, boy!" grumped Dad.

"Oh." Joey looked a little confused. "Sorry, Tessie."

Dad shook his head again.

"Where is the doll?" said Mom.

"In my room," Joey muttered.

"Abigail, come with me," said Mom.

Abigail stood up and grumpily followed Mom up the stairs to Joey's room.

The volume of the confrontation that had taken place was such that Jareth the Goblin King had heard almost every word. He was devastated at Abigail's anguish. He cared deeply about his young mistress. He had listened to her stories and confessions ever since she had unwrapped him and put him in the place of honor upon the shelf over her desk.

Before he belonged to Abigail, he had been languishing in a closed bag. He didn't even know what his previous owner had looked like. He had never seen him or her. He had been purchased at a toy store in 1986, and stuffed into a bag. The bag moved and jostled for a while and then it sat still. It had sat still for years. He thought maybe the bag was in a closet, but he wasn't sure. There was no light or movement. Sometimes he could hear muffled sounds, but that was all.

One day, the bag was suddenly jostled and pulled into the light. His box had been lifted from the bag and faces stared at him with expressions of evaluation and judgment. He gathered from their conversations that his previous owner had died. He was sold to a person who dealt in collectible objects. The next thing that happened was that he was put into a box with Lonnie the Wolfman and they were jostled about in the dark for a few days.

Finally the box was opened. He was only able to get a glance at the ceiling of a small room before wrapping paper was placed around his box. The paper was pink and light filtered through it. He was philosophical about it. Pink light was better than the years of darkness.

Oh, but then came a day when the wrapping came off and there was Abigail looking in at him as if he were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And he belonged to her; his beautiful, tempestuous, little mistress. She talked to him for hours about everything; boys, clothes, teachers, music, homework, horses. She told him about things that made her sad. She told him about things that made her happy. She paid attention to him and turned him so he could see everything that happened in the Kingdom of Abigail's room. He adored her.

But now she was angry because he was out of his box. He was less valuable now? Why? What was different? He was afraid now. He wanted to be back in his box. He wanted her to look at him with adoring eyes. He wanted her to talk to him. What if she didn't want to look at him or talk to him anymore? Would he have to go back into the dark?

The toys surrounding him were looking at him with sympathy, but they didn't know what to say to him. His wonderful day had suddenly turned to ashes and he felt miserable.

When Abigail came into the room, the first thing she saw was her beautiful doll, now sullied by exposure to the outside world and the touch of grubby little childish hands. He was practically ruined. It was completely unfair! Those two brats had devalued her most prized possession and their meager punishment was to sit on the couch and not get any allowance. She didn't even want to look at the doll. It was garbage now. She was disgusted. She should just throw it in the trash.

Mom picked the Goblin King up from the floor and dusted him off with the tail of her shirt.

"Wow," she said, "He's rather magnificent." She examined the doll, closely. She was amazed at the detail. She was amazed at the heft and solidity of the doll. She was amazed that this doll had a rather large bulge at the crotch. She hadn't noticed that when he was still in his box. Good heavens. She had seen the movie and was well aware that David Bowie had a lot to be proud of, but it was a little odd to see a doll with that sort of endowment. What were they thinking?

"He WAS magnificent," Abigail growled. "Now he's a piece of junk."

"Abigail!" Mom snapped. "Quit being ridiculous!"

"What?" huffed Abigail, as she was startled out of her anger. "But…"

"But nothing," said Mom. "When you first asked for this doll, you were showing me a picture of a doll on Ebay that didn't have a box. Your father decided to spoil you and get the one on Amazon that was the collectible mint-in-the-box doll. You would have been perfectly happy with just the doll. Am I right?"

Abigail grimaced, remembering. She hadn't been concerned about the box to start with.

"Well, yeah," she grudgingly agreed, "but Dad paid a lot of money for the box."

"Yes, he did," Mom agreed. "But he didn't have to get the box to make you happy, did he?"

"No," sighed Abigail.

"Now I can see why you're angry with your brother and sister. They were a couple of little stinkers today. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy your doll." She gave the doll to Abigail. "He's pretty cool, you know."

"Yeah," said Abigail. He WAS pretty cool and now that he was out of the box, she should see the intricate details of his costume, the bold authority of his expression and the slender elegance of his figure. "I guess so." She smiled a little.

"He's got a huge bulge there, too, said Mom. "Did you notice that?"

"MOM!" yelped Abigail. "Stop looking at that!"

Mom smirked at her daughter's embarrassment.

"I'm sorry that your collectible doll isn't worth as much money anymore, but since he's already out of his box, maybe you can enjoy the fact that you can actually play with him. Take Goblin King selfies or something, I don't know." Mom laughed.

"Well," said Abigail. "I do like photography. I'll bet I could get some pretty great shots of him in the garden. Dramatic like, with him hiding behind things, and well, doing all kinds of stuff. That sounds kind of fun."

"Well, then, I suggest you make the best of it and enjoy your doll," said Mom wisely. She gave Abigail a hug and they left Joey's room. As they went out, Jareth surreptitiously gave a wink to the Wolfman. The Wolfman grinned and gave a victorious fist-pump.

Mom continued down the stairs, preparing to give guilt-inspiring looks of sorrow to the aforementioned stinkers, while Abigail turned at the top of the stairs to return the Goblin King to her room.

"You ARE pretty cool," she said to her doll. "I'm going to make Tessie loan me that brown-haired doll, she OWES ME, and I'm gonna make a white Sarah dress. You guys are going to look great together."

She looked at the doll with serene satisfaction. She smoothed her fingers up and down his slender, booted legs. He really was a great doll. She glanced at the door, making sure Mom wasn't still around and then touched and inspected that interesting bulge.

After a few moments, she carefully placed him on the shelf, noting that if she was careful, he could balance on his feet and cape. She kissed her finger and then tapped him on top of his head. She left the room humming.

Jareth stood quietly for a moment. He was bewildered by the events of the day.

"Pssst! Hey!"

The yellow transformer was peering in the door at him.

"How did it go?" whispered the transformer.

Jareth thought for a second.

"Well," he said. "I guess it went pretty well. I think it went pretty great in fact." He smiled broadly.

"She felt you up, didn't she?" said the transformer.

Jareth's face froze in shock.

"What are you talking about?" whispered the red transformer standing right behind the yellow transformer.

"Never mind," hissed the yellow transformer. "Gotta go, buddy. See you later."

Jareth waved at the transformers as they turned into little vehicles and rolled away. He hoped he would get to play with them again sometime.

He surveyed the Kingdom of Abigail's room. He was exhausted from the day's activities, but he also felt a warm glow inside. He was out of the box and his mistress was happy about it. Things were definitely looking up. He swirled his cape and struck a dramatic pose.

The End

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_Because Ellen triple-dog-dared me._

_Jareth and the Labyrinth belong to Henson and Company._

_While I definitely borrowed some ideas from Pixar, I am using no Pixar characters other than the army men. However, John Ratzenberger would be an excellent choice to do the voice for Lonnie, the Wolfman._

_And, yes, the entire point of this story is that I have a 12" talking Jareth doll. He's gorgeous and so is his bulge._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimers and author's notes appear at the end of the story__._

**Merry Christmas, Goblin King**

From his vantage point on the electric fireplace mantel, he gazed toward the glittering, shimmering Christmas tree. It was so beautiful, he could hardly take his eyes off it. Warm, white lights blinked on and off in the branches of the surprisingly realistic artificial tree. Magnificent red and gold ornaments shimmered in the dancing electrical firelight. Red and gold garland roped around the towering tree and drifts of gold tinsel hung from the plastic needles. Scattered amongst the coordinated red and gold, were flamboyantly colored ornaments painted with children's names and various years. The three newest ornaments were placed most prominently; a little yellow teddy bear "Tessie 2014", a plastic Frankenstein monster "Joey 2014" and a glass unicorn "Abigail 2014." Jareth, the 12" talking Goblin King Doll, thought the Christmas tree was the most delightful decoration he had ever seen.

In fact, the morning had been full of wonderful sights. Jareth usually resided on a shelf above the desk in the Kingdom of Abigail's room. Out of the blue, Abigail had plucked him off the shelf and brought him into the living room.

There was a flurry of activity going on in the living room, with the entire family rummaging through boxes of glittery ornaments, chattering excitedly, nibbling on snack items, occasionally squabbling and singing. The tree was the center of attention, with intense discussion concerning the placement of lights, ornaments and tinsel.

Dad, perched precariously on the stepladder, was having some difficulty attaching a delicately lacy angel to the top of the tree. Finally satisfied with his handiwork, he stepped down from the ladder, much to Mom's secret relief and stood back to admire the angel.

As Jareth watched the tree top angel clinging nervously to her precarious roost, he appreciated his more comfortable position on the mantelpiece. He had an excellent view of the entire room and was able to keep tabs on all of the fascinating ongoing festivities. He also had the advantage of being a focal point himself. Standing proudly on the mantel, surrounded by greenery and Christmas elf decorations, he was eye-catching and fabulous if he said so himself.

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_Abigail had left his heavy plastic cape in her room and draped a soft dark, dark red cape with plush, beige, fake fur trim across his shoulders. She had worked on the red cape all of the previous week, fitting and adjusting it to perfection. A discarded gold plastic bracelet had been pressed into service as an ornate closure for the cape. He looked quite dashing. A crown of gold fabric trim nestled onto his plastic hair. He looked both regal and Christmassy standing amongst the artfully arranged greenery on the mantle. _

_He was especially pleased with the lights. Abigail had used tiny battery powered LED flower arrangement lights to decorate the greenery. As a final touch, she had placed one tiny light in his hand. It looked as if he were holding a glowing crystal. He looked magnificent. Abigail had told him so. _

"_You're magnificent," she had whispered. "You look so cool. You are the King of Winter and all the elves are your servants. You reign in peace because you are so powerful no one will rise against you. You live on a mountain where snow falls on the pine trees and everything smells like cinnamon and spices."_

_And if Abigail said it was so, then it was true. Oh, how he adored her, his wonderful, tempestuous little mistress._

_She ran her fingers over his cape and petted his hard plastic hair. _

"_Say 'cheese,' Your Majesty," Abigail said. A series of flashes followed as she pointed an elaborate camera at him. It had a black cylinder eye protruding from the body of the device. Jareth watched the cylinder with fascination. As Abigail moved around, coming closer and then backing away, the cylinder made a clicking, swishing noise, spun and zoomed in and out._

_She lowered the camera and smiled at him. _

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He watched her now as she placed bundles and boxes wrapped in bright paper and adorned with bows under the fabulous tree. He remembered the pink paper that had been wrapped around his now empty box when he arrived. He thought those might be gifts being placed under the tree. He hoped one of the gifts was a pair of leather boots with fringe. Abigail had been telling him all about how much she wanted a pair of boots like that. He understood that her parents were largely responsible for procuring the gifts. He did know that he, himself was a gift to Abigail from Dad. Jareth felt tremendous gratitude to Dad because of this. In fact, Dad was Jareth's second favorite person solely because of this.

Jareth sighed in contentment at his current situation on the mantelpiece. He could hardly wait for a chance to talk to the elf decorations perched there with him. They looked unusual and interesting. He had never seen Christmas decorations before. He was seeing all sorts of new things since he came to be with Abigail. It was wonderful.

The day continued to have interesting developments. More greenery was produced and arranged artfully about the room. Additional elf decorations were placed on the mantelpiece and a sturdy nativity scene occupied a place of honor on the coffee table. Tessie abandoned decorating in favor of playing with the nativity scene characters. Joey and Abigail continued to decorate with varying degrees of enthusiasm. And for a brief and enchanting moment, Mom and Dad performed a cuddly slow dance as a Bing Crosby performance of "White Christmas" issued softy from the theatre sound system.

After a time, the decoration was proclaimed adequate. There was a brief afternoon pause for a late lunch. Abigail and Joey disappeared off upstairs, while Mom and Dad lingered in the kitchen to drink coffee and leisurely chat.

Tessie took advantage of their absence and brought a few toys down to play in the beautifully decorated room. She looked around at the twinkling lights and glittering ornaments and sighed with contentment. It was all so pretty.

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"_Give me that baby back, you pooper!" said the brown haired girl._

"_Ha! I'm keeping him, so tough!" said the regal Goblin King, staring down at the girl from his castle tower. "You'll never make it to the castle in time! You have to get past those goat head guys and the Bog of Eternal Stench first! I'll get to keep the baby forever. Mwahahahah!" The goblins that surrounded him and guarded the baby joined in his laughter._

"_Oh yeah?" said the girl. "Me and my friends'll defeat you. Just watch!"_

"_Will not."_

"_Will so," said the girl. "Besides, you love me, so there."_

_The Goblin King blew a raspberry at the girl. _

_The brown haired girl was flanked by an imposing yellow bear and a fearsome pink striped tiger. They snarled at this insult from the King, high in his tower._

"_Just give me the command, Princess, and I'll sic' 'em good," said the tiger, his tail lashing back and forth in suppressed fury._

"_No," said the Princess, "Let's just go take care of those goat head guys. We're running out of time!"_

_The trio approached the two goat head guys guarding a door._

"_You have to answer some riddles before you can go through this door," said the goat head guy on the right._

"_Ok, so ask one," said the girl._

"_What is black and white and black and white and black and white," asked the goat head guy on the left._

"_She'll never get it," yelled the Goblin King from the tower._

"_A penguin rolling down a hill," said the girl triumphantly._

_The King glared down at her as the bear and tiger smiled._

"_Ok," said the first goat head guy. "How do you get a Kleenex to dance?"_

"_You put a boogie in it!" shouted the girl gleefully._

_Whooping with excitement, everyone began to dance. The girl, the bear, the tiger, the goblins, the King, and even the baby and the goat head guys danced. _

"_Hakuna matata, what a wonderful phrase," they all chorused. Everyone dwelling in the Realm of Tessie knew the words to every Disney song. _

_The brown hair girl and the yellow bear were dancing along the walls of the castle towers when a voice from above caught their attention and brought the dancing to a halt._

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"Tessie," said Mom, a distinct note of warning in her voice. "Don't be fooling with Abigail's doll."

"Ok, Mom," Tessie sighed and removed the brown haired fashion doll and her yellow teddy from the mantelpiece.

Mom picked up the little baby doll sitting between the elf decorations and handed it to Tessie.

"What's going on here, anyway?" she asked.

"Sarah is rescuing the baby from the Goblin King," said Tessie. "She just got past the goat head guys." Tessie waved her hand toward a crayon drawing of two amorphous blobs.

"Well, good for her," said Mom. "Why don't you set your toys out of the way and go have a cookie? I just took them out of the oven a few minutes ago. They'll still be warm."

"Alright!" Tessie said with a great deal of enthusiasm.

"Have Dad pour you some milk," Mom added as Tessie hastily lined her toys up on the couch.

"Cookies!" yelled Tessie, running toward the kitchen.

Mom picked the drawing of the goat head guys off the floor and placed it on the coffee table.

She looked up at the Goblin King, dressed in his Christmas finery, posing in the greenery.

"Aren't you the imposing fellow?" she said, approaching him.

Jareth liked Mom, even if she did have a peculiar habit of touching him on his bulge.

"So, Mister Jones, how do you like Christmas, so far?" she said, leaning against the mantel piece. "You seem to be dressed for the occasion."

Jareth was pleased that she had noticed his cape. He thought it to be very fetching.

"I believe I've seen Bowie wearing some fancy outfits, but nothing more lovely than this," Mom said. "My daughter is very talented, isn't she, Mister Jones?"

Jareth had to agree.

She ran her fingers up his slender legs and across his front. She pressed the button on his chest.

"Don't defy me," said the 12" talking Goblin King's voice chip.

"I never would," laughed Mom. She touched his cheek lightly, then left to return to the kitchen.

After a moment, the tree top angel said "All clear," and the toys began to visit amongst themselves.

"Hello, Teddy," Jareth said politely.

"Hello, Jareth," said Teddy with a broad smile. "It's been a while. How are things in Abigail's room?"

"Oh, smashing," he replied enthusiastically. "Abigail's been writing stories and poems again. She's so talented." Although he did not mention this to Teddy, he was secretly thrilled that her stories frequently featured a dashing Goblin King.

"That's great," said Teddy. "Things are pretty good in…" He was suddenly interrupted.

"Hello, Goblin King," said the brown haired fashion doll, smiling up at Jareth.

Jareth smiled back at her, feeling a bit fluttery.

"Hello, Sarah," he said.

"I haven't seen you since Abigail borrowed me," the fashion doll said.

Abigail had indeed borrowed the fashion doll with Tessie's blessing. Tessie was eager to get back into Abigail's graces after she removed the Goblin King from his packaging. Abigail had fashioned a white ball gown for the fashion doll. Jareth and Sarah had spent a couple of months posing on the shelf above Abigail's desk until Tessie shyly asked for the return of her doll. By that time, Abigail had taken scores of photos of the pair and was happy to return the doll.

Jareth had enjoyed Sarah's company very much and still missed her, but his heart would always belong to Abigail first.

The room buzzed with conversation as the nativity figurines renewed acquaintances with the other Christmas decorations and new friendships were forged between toys and decorations.

The atmosphere was becoming quite festive when suddenly there was a thundering of feet as if a thousand small boys were galloping down the stairs. It was Joey and the earth trembled.

Joey was flying a toy airplane, holding it aloft and making whooshing noises as it banked and turned, roaring sounds as the engines powered it into a steep climb and whistling as it abruptly dived and buzzed the potted plants in the front window. He flew the plane through the living room on a reconnaissance mission, taking stock of the situation.

Excellent. He put on a frightening grin and ran to get a few more toys.

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_The airplane banked as it lined up for the bombing run. _

"_Look out," screamed the elf henchmen as they ran for cover._

_The evil wizard laughed haughtily. _

"_HAHAHA! Stop cowering, you cowards! They are no match for me! They will never get their Princess back!"_

"_Oh," shrieked the Princess from her tower in the glittering magic forest where she was magically held captive by magic. "Help me!"_

"_Shut your pie hole, Princess!" roared the wizard from his castle on the fiery mountain of electrical storms._

"_Yeah, shut up Princess," yelled the guards surrounding the Princess._

"_Never fear," said the wizard. "They are no match for my sharks and lobsters with frickin' lasers on their heads!"_

_The mighty shark and the fearsome lobster pointed their lasers at the plane._

"_Aieee!" yelled the pilot. "A laser. Evasive action!"_

_The plane performed a physics defying series of maneuvers, successfully dodging the lasers._

"_Yeooommmmmoooooowwwwmmmm" buzzed the airplane with a belly full of bombs as it bore down on the evil wizard and the henchmen._

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"Boy! What are you doing?"

Joey nearly jumped out of his skin.

Dad was standing in the doorway, holding a glass of egg nog and a copy of Sports Illustrated and wearing his usual expression of exasperation.

"Uh… nothin' Dad," said Joey.

"Were you about to knock Abigail's doll off the mantel?" Dad asked in a dangerously quiet voice.

"No sir!" said Joey. He set the airplane down on the mantel with the exaggerated casualness of a totally innocent person who was in no way up to mischief.

"Glad to hear it," said Dad. "It'd be a shame if Santa kicked you off the nice list this close to Christmas."

Joey's eyes widened. He knew full well that "Santa" was standing right in front of him. He decided a tactical retreat was in order.

"Yes, sir!" Joey said. "Um, I think I'll go upstairs and pray for the poor." The saintly boy walked quietly out of the room and then galloped up the stairs.

Dad shook his head as he heard Joey's feet pounding along the upstairs hall. He walked over to the mantel and picked up the toy plane to idly examine it. He was wearing a small smile when he put the plane back down. After glancing over the elves, he turned his attention to the Goblin King.

"Yo, Ziggy. S'up?" said Dad, laying his elbow on the mantelpiece and leaning in to look at Jareth.

Jareth was thrilled to have Dad speaking to him. He had a grateful awe of Dad, but had never, ever received any attention from him. He felt a little light headed with excitement.

"You're quite the dapper gent, aren't you?" Dad continued. "Guess you didn't need that box to make Abby happy after all." He sighed. "That was some expensive packaging, I'll say that." He looked a little closer at Jareth. "Speaking of packaging, what the hell, dude?"

"You know what, Ziggy," Dad said in a confidential and ever so slightly tipsy manner. "When I was a punk kid, I wore some tight jeans, myself. Uncomfortable as all get out. I must have been an idiot." He cackled. "It's a wonder I ever had any kids at all."

Dad looked past the Goblin King to the Christmas tree and frowned. He wondered why there were a yellow transformer and a red transformer menacing the angel on top of the tree. He was even more curious about the plastic shark perched on a branch with a twinkling light taped to its head. He did a double take when he saw that a plastic lobster toy on an adjacent branch had received its very own twinkling light taped to its head as well.

"I don't know about that boy, Ziggy," Dad sighed, shaking his head wearily. "I love him, but sometimes I wonder about him." He tossed his magazine onto his easy chair.

"I need more egg nog," he muttered, walking out of the living room.

"All clear," said the tree top angel after a moment and the toys relaxed.

"Hey, Jareth," said the airplane looking up at the Goblin King.

"Hey, Props," Jareth said kindly and with some deference.

Props was a favorite, much loved toy, missing most of his paint, rather dented and in fact, his propellers were long gone. Props had been one of Dad's toys. Now powered by Joey, Props was a highly respected member of the toy community.

"Say," said one of the elf decorations. "Was he really going to knock us off the shelf? Some of us are breakable."

Props offered a wry smile to elf decoration number one.

"It's very likely," he said. "Those bombing runs invariably involve casualties."

"Abigail would have killed him," said Jareth. He had mixed emotions about this. His first loyalty was, of course, to his beloved Abigail. And, if he were being honest, he didn't really want to be knocked off of the shelf and have the lovely cape his dear Abigail made be mussed. On the other hand, he was really very fond of Joey and didn't want him to die.

"Dad would have been plenty mad, too," Jareth added. "Joey could have been in a lot of trouble."

If Props had a head, he would have shaken it right then.

"I don't know about that boy, Jareth," Props sighed wearily. "I love him, but sometimes I wonder about him."

"It was fun, though," Jareth said hesitantly. He began to grin widely. "I was an evil wizard. With henchmen!"

"Yeah," said elf decoration number two. "I've never got to be a henchman before. That was GROOVY!"

Jareth wondered just how many Christmases elf decoration number two had seen.

"So," said Jareth, turning back to Props, "how are Lonny and the guys in Joey's room?"

"Oh, they're all doing fine," Props said. "I'll tell Lonny you asked about him."

"Thanks," said Jareth. "That would be great."

"Hey, Sharky," hollered the yellow transformer from his high branch near the angel. "What you doin' in a tree?"

The red transformer next to him snorted.

"I dunno," Sharky hollered right back. "What YOU doin' in a tree?" There was much giggling at this.

When the tree top angel began singing "I'm on the… top of the wo-orld lookin'… down on crustacean," Lobster Klaus laughed so hard he nearly fell off his branch, which only led to more hilarity.

"Sh, sh, sh!" the angel suddenly cautioned. The toys stifled their giggles as the family began to gather in the living room.

"Since it's Christmas Eve, I think we should watch "Christmas Story," said Mom.

"Yay!" hollered Tessie. She had no idea what "Christmas Story" was, but the child was giddy with Christmas excitement and inclined to cheer.

Dad merely grunted. He expected to sleep through the movie and wake up in time to send the kids to bed. Then he would bring in Tessie's new bike, Joey's new skateboard and helmet (which he damn well better wear) and Abigail's new adult sized guitar. He couldn't care less what movie was running while he napped.

"Let's watch "Austin Powers," said Joey. He was pumped up on Christmas excitement and was dancing around to music only he could hear, occasionally playing air guitar and singing little riffs. He continued to dance until he realized that the room had gone completely silent.

He stopped and looked around to see Mom and Dad staring at him with speculative expressions. Abigail was glaring at him with the heat of a thousand suns and Tessie was looking from face to face, confused as to what was going on.

"Isn't Austin Powers a PG-13 movie? How does a nine year old boy get to see a PG-13 movie?" asked Mom.

"Like to explain that, boy?" asked Dad.

"I just happened to walk through the room when it was on," Joey said. "I didn't actually watch it. Besides I didn't know it was PG-13," he hedged.

"When was the movie on?" asked Dad quietly.

"Uh, a couple of days ago?" Joey guessed. "When was the movie on, Abigail?"

Abigail slapped her palm to her forehead. Unbeknownst to her, her parents had a lot of sympathy for her at that moment. Both Dad and Mom had younger brothers and Abigail's uncles were quite a bit like Joey in their youth.

"At this time, I'd like to point out that I am fourteen years old," Abigail said.

"Fair enough," said Dad.

Mom looked as if she had been prepared to argue the point, but she simply rolled her eyes, lifted her hands and then dropped them to slap against her thighs.

"Joey," said Mom. "You will not watch any of the Austin Powers movies until you are actually thirteen. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," said a cowed Joey, the fear of "Santa" upon him as Dad gave him the stink eye.

"Abigail, you should be more aware of who's skulking around behind you," Mom added.

"Absolutely," Abigail said, glaring at Joey.

"Who's Austin Powers?" asked Tessie.

"Never mind," said Dad. "Everybody sit down so we can watch the stupid movie." He flinched when Mom's gaze fell upon him.

Abigail hit "Play" on the remote. The family sat in uncomfortable silence as the sound of jingling bells emerged from the TV set.

Jareth, the 12" talking Goblin King Doll, had watched all this in perplexity from his perch on the mantelpiece. He didn't understand what the big deal was. He had thought "Austin Powers" was a hoot.

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It was Jareth's first Christmas morning and he was astounded at the mayhem. The sun was barely up when Tessie and Joey came galloping into the living room. Tessie squealed at a pitch and decibel that could render amphibians sterile when she caught sight of her new bicycle. Joey was equally excited about his skateboard, and immediately tried to ride it into the kitchen. Abigail, awakened by the racket, came running down the stairs to shout and crow over her new guitar. Mom and Dad, moving at a much more leisurely pace, came down the stairs to accept hugs and high pitched shouts of thanks, pat heads fondly, kiss grinning little faces, and then to proceed on toward the kitchen for coffee.

By the time, Mom and Dad had acquired cups of coffee, some semblance of calm had been restored. Tessie was sitting astride her bike, shaking another present. Joey was seated on the skateboard, rolling back and forth while he fussed with adjusting the straps on his helmet.

Abigail was playing a creditable rendition of "Feliz Navidad." She had been playing her smaller, youth-sized guitar for several years. The full sized, deep bodied guitar she now held was producing mellow, rounded tones and sounded wonderful.

"Boy," said Dad. "You get to play Santa Claus."

"ALRIGHT!" enthused Joey. He scrambled over to the tree and started picking up packages one by one. He read the names out loud in an official manner and ceremoniously handed them to the recipients, graciously accepting their thanks for handing them their gifts and solemnly saying "You're welcome."

After Joey had proudly finished his Santa Claus duties, came the next step in the proceedings.

"Youngest opens gifts first," said Mom. Tessie was thrilled, of course. Joey was willing to accept this without argument since he had just had the important and high profile duty of playing Santa Claus. Which was, of course, the reason he had been given the privilege in the first place.

Tessie soon had a respectable haul of goods. Abigail had knitted a pink hat with kitten ears and a matching scarf. Tessie immediately put the hat on. It stayed on her head the rest of the day. Joey had given her a small stuffed bunny. Other gifts from Mom and Dad included a doll house, and a softball glove.

Joey's gifts included a bag of cookies from Tessie. Mom had made the cookies, but Tessie helped as much as she could. Abigail had knitted Joey a hat out of a vile shade of greenish yard and embroidered a skull and crossbones on it. Joey was absolutely smitten with the astounding hat. Abigail was rather smug at his shout of glee when he beheld the hat. Mom and Dad shook their heads. He was also very pleased with the video game from Mom and Dad.

Abigail graciously thanked Tessie for the cookies and thanked Mom and Dad for the sheet music and camera tripod. When she opened the package from Joey, she held her breath for a moment. Lying in the box, clumsily padded with paper towels was a 7" Jareth doll. He was missing his cape and there was electrical tape wrapped around his midsection.

"Where did you get this?" she whispered.

Joey looked a little nervous.

"Um, it was in a garage sale. I saw it last summer after your other doll, um… was out of its box." He looked at the floor. "I thought it might make you feel better."

Mom and Dad exchanged astonished glances at this revelation.

"What's the tape for?" asked Abigail.

"Well," Joey hesitated. "He was in two pieces, but I taped him back together." He looked up at her anxiously. "That's ok, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Abigail smiled. "That's ok."

She abruptly stood up and walked over to Joey. He had a momentary look of panic before she grabbed him in a big hug and put a smacking kiss on his cheek. The look of fear was replaced by a look of disgust at the kiss. He finally ended up with a rather smug expression of self-satisfaction at his expert gift giving skills, but not before his parents near dealt themselves injuries while restraining their laughter at his facial performance.

Mom and Dad opened their gifts and expressed sincere gratitude for their cookies, warm knitted hats and matching sets of Disney cups from a local fast food franchise. Mom and Dad didn't open gifts from each other, but sharp eyed Abigail noticed the expensive looking bracelet Mom was wearing and she had been with Mom when Dad's new golf clubs were purchased.

Mom stood up. "Shall we go have breakfast? I think toaster waffles would hit the spot."

"Yeah!" said Joey. He and Tessie raced for the kitchen. Mom and Dad followed them, arm in arm.

Abigail picked up the small and battered Jareth doll and walked over to the mantel. She put the smaller doll on the mantel beside Jareth. She kissed her forefinger and then pressed it to the larger Jareth's cheek.

"Meet your new friend," she said. "Play nice now, boys."

She hurried out of the room toward her breakfast.

Jareth looked down fondly at the 7" tall Jareth doll wearing the black electrical tape cummerbund.

"You are an extremely handsome fellow," he said with a pleased air.

"Thanks," said the smaller Jareth with a hopeful smile.

"I think I'll call you… Mini-Me," said the larger Jareth.

"Uh, ok," said Mini-Me. He had never seen a single Austin Powers movie and was a little confused by the laughter of the toy airplane parked on the mantelpiece beside him.

"We shall be an unstoppable team, Mini-Me," said Jareth. "Ruling over the Kingdom of Abigail's Room." He struck a pose with his magnificent cape and crown.

Mini-Me looked worshipfully at his new friend and attempted to strike an identical pose. He looked around the glittering, beautiful room and decided things were definitely looking up.

Jareth, the 12" talking Goblin King Doll, observed the smaller doll's efforts at emulation and approved. He felt great. Christmas was awesome.

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_Jareth and the Labyrinth belong to Henson and Company._

_This holiday story is being posted on January 4, 2014. If Christmas actually has twelve days, this one is technically not late. ;)_

_I know someone who has confessed to disassembling their Jareth doll. I won't name names…_


End file.
